Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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