If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
