All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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