That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
