I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
either way he was missing a nipple.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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