i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
