You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
