We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
