You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
