your parents love me but you hate me
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize