i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize