He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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