I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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