oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
