they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
