If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
