After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
