I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
We smell like vodka and hangover
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
