He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
