yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i now understand why vodka
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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