If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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