At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize