sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
