He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
