from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize