Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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