She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
