What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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