I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
