dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
