Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
