dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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