absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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