Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize