Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
