i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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