i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
