i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
