I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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