I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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