I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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