I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
