She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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