i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize