Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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