we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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