i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
