No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
