and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize