My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
