just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
