How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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