I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
this hospital has no fireball
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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