I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
