it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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