I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
