she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
