the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
