he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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