I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
