I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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