Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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