peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
