I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
