If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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