I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
