i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
